Temptation

"Ang basahan, kahit ilang beses mo labhan, basahan pa din."

Have you ever had a feeling that you want to go back to your old self? Even though hindi maganda but because of whats happening around tempts you become that old person again to fulfill your contentment. Thats what I feel right now. Because of frustration and stressed, I want to become the "OLD" me again.


Its been 6 years now since I left Pampanga. A lot of reasons come into my mind that time to make me decide to depart the place I've been holding for 4 years. I've grown myself through chaos and bloodshed. Everyone is afraid to talk to you or be your friend because they know when they became close to you, they will get hurt. You have people around you who always follow what you say like dogs, whatever or whenever you ask them to but they will hurt and beat you to take your place and be named as the new lead. There is also a lot of people who wants to hurt you everytime they caught you off guard. That's why I don't trust anybody at that time. Even though I have them rolling in my hand but I was never happy. I never was. Come to think of it, I didn't ask for this. I just protected myself that time to get beat up by some punk who tried to bully me because I'm new to the place. Not knowing that punk is the leader of a notorious gang who rules the whole stretch of Angeles City.


After a few weeks since I moved back to Cavite, I became completely different from what I am. Talking to people whom I barely knew. Experiencing social life. The complete opposite of me for real. Siguro dahil no one knows here what kind of life I had when I was away. But every night before I sleep, Im always thinking what if I became that old me again. Its like that "OLD" me is hunting me every night.


This week, I'm becoming that old me again. Not talking to anyone. Not even saying a word unless I was asked. Being alone most of the time. Like having a bad day everyday. Staring people like I'm gonna kill them. I don't know whats happening but that how I feel. But still, I am able to control myself.


Thanks for those people who truly understand me and being there even though they know the real me. Those who really cares even though I already stopped caring.



-end